V is for Vegetarian

I avoid telling people I'm a vegetarian.  When I do finally have to mention it because someone is offering me meat or inviting me to a steakhouse, I cringe inside.  Vegetarians get portrayed as preachy health-nuts trying to push their eating habits on everyone around them, but let me tell you, carnivores, plenty of you can be just as annoying.

So, do you eat chicken?

I am utterly horrified by the sheer number of people who literally do not know what meat is.  Regardless of whether or not you eat meat, you should at least be able to identify basic food groups.

Look, you can have a salad!

If you are at a restaurant with a vegetarian, you do not need to assume personal responsibility for choosing their meal.  Vegetarians have eyeballs and are perfectly capable of reading the menu.

Not to mention, vegetarians eat things other than salad.  Personally, I eat non-salad foods on a regular basis, and I especially avoid eating restaurant salads.  Most restaurant salads consist mainly of iceberg lettuce, which tastes like solidified water and has little to no nutritional value.

But how do you get enough protein?

I've been a vegetarian for almost six years, and I've managed to not only keep myself alive, but also to go hiking all the time without passing out, so obviously I'm getting protein somewhere.  I am not going to list every source of protein in my diet for someone's personal edification and amusement, because that is boring and awful.

Why are you a vegetarian?

I feel like people expect me to have a long philosophical rant about the evils of meat-eating memorized and ready to be recited at any moment, but my reasons for being a vegetarian are pretty dull.  Some people in my family have high blood pressure and high cholesterol and heart problems, and one day I thought, "Maybe if I don't eat meat I won't have to get my heart cut open someday."  Although I must admit, when I see a cute animal, I do derive a tiny bit of satisfaction from knowing its muscle tissue will never end up in my digestive tract.

Now I'm afraid someone is going to be reading this while gnawing on a giant hunk of beef and be offended.  Please don't stop reading my blog, beef-gnawing readers.  I respect your life choices.

The reason that question annoys me is because the person is usually asking so that they can then proceed to argue with whatever reason I give.  "Well, sugar isn't healthy, are you going to stop eating that too?"  "Plants die when you eat them, doesn't that make you feel bad?"  It shouldn't matter why I'm a vegetarian.  Whether I did it because I thought it might be healthier, or because aliens came to my room at night and told me to, I shouldn't have to defend my reasons to anyone.  I don't ask people why they eat meat, and I really don't care.  We should all just eat what we want and not have to talk about it.  If you want to spend the rest of your life eating mud soup, I support you!  (Just don't offer me a bowl, because, gross.)

Now that you're all panicking and wondering if you've ever annoyed any vegetarians, let me reassure you:
1.  You probably have annoyed them, but
2.  It's not a big deal because they probably know you didn't mean to, or
3.  They are harboring a deep personal grudge and plotting your imminent demise.  Move to another state immediately, or even better, move to Siberia.  No one goes to Siberia.

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